The last 9 days have been a whirlwind that swept me off the ground and left me floating in the cosmos. I certainly was not expecting it, and in many ways I am resistant to it. 

My life desperately needed a shake-up. Many aspects were no longer aligned with who I’ve bloomed into. They still aren’t. But I gave in to fighting it. The energy it takes to try to make change happen is always significant, and I was worn down. 

Maybe it was the fatigue or the atrophied inspiration that led me to simply let go. Surrender. Come back to my faith and the recognition that I don’t have to force and control everything. I am supported, held and guided by something bigger than my finite human perspective. 

I took a break and headed to the mountains for a reset in nature. To spend some time in the stillness in hopes of being able to connect more deeply to my spirit, the spirit all around me.

I was alone, and wanted it to be that way.

Yet in perfect Divine fashion, the Universe dropped a gift, right on my doorstep. An invitation that I said yes to. And in that moment, everything shifted. 

I was invited to go explore the area by the hosts of the place where I was staying. Two gentlemen offered to show me around and help me witness the beauty of their homestead. 

These total strangers welcomed me into their world, went out of their way to make sure my needs were met and that I had a good time. They were incredibly generous, respectful and had no expectations or agendas. 

I was free to be as I was. To say yes or say no. More than that I felt cherished and appreciated simply for just existing exactly as I was. I didn’t have to perform or give them something. They were just grateful for the shared experience, as was I. Our afternoon adventure turned into sharing stories by the fire, under the stars until 3am. 

The next morning I realized that a profound healing within the masculine energy had occurred through that experience. It occurred to me that I was largely unfamiliar with the experience of being around men in a healthy positive way. They seemed to care for me without expectation of getting something in return, or without the weight of feeling like a burden or inconvenience. 

How special that was, in a world where looking we’re always looking for what we can get out of something or someone, and constantly judging if something is worthy of our time, money, attention. Just sharing part of our journey together without expectation, needs or agendas was purely blissful. 

They helped me to remember the simple truth that exists within all of us. Our collective human desire to love and be loved, experience and give joy, to share our hardships along with celebrating our triumphs with those that help us feel safe and uplifted.

The following days stirred up something long since lost to my soul. A pain, a yearning that I have always had, however faint, in the way that a dream is vaguely remembered. Only since this experience it wasn’t vague any longer. It was loud, visceral, front and center. 

A deep grief in my soul that was far greater than this lifetime alone. 

I intuitively knew why this dream had been forgotten. There was a purpose in walking the path alone, without them. A strength I needed to cultivate. A connection that could only be forged and cultivated in the depths of despair. A steady, resilient courage that comes from walking through storms and droughts.  A love deep and bright enough to transmute and transcend dark wounds and toxic karmic patterns. 

I’ve been striving to walk this path with honor, gratitude and deep trust (however difficult much of the time) that it was for a profound purpose. Without even realizing it, the Universe in its perfect Divine timing let me know that I completed my lone wolf initiation. Finally it was time to allow myself to remember this dream. The dream of divine love embodied in the form my partner, my family, and my tribe. 

A new dimension opened to me, as my heart opened and new life breathed into me. 

What if it's possible to have everything I’ve dreamt of? What if I don’t even have to suffer and struggle to get it, but simply surrender and allow myself to receive it? Here I was tuned in, surrendered and life brought me the most beautiful gift and medicine. 

It made me realize how caught up in the rat race I was, without even recognizing it. It’s so easy as an entrepreneur and coach to feel like my worth is tied to the value that I can provide someone. In corporate culture it’s easy to get wrapped up in my worth being tied to the level of performance I achieve. In romantic relationships, it’s all too easy to get caught up in trying to meet someone else’s needs and wants in attempt to prove I’m worthy enough to be loved in return.  

Somewhere in all of it I forget that my value and worth is inherent in who I am as a human being, as an individuation of divine consciousness. That I am perfect even with my imperfections and flaws. And that I don’t need to do anything or become anyone to be worthy of love, prosperity and joy. Or to give love, prosperity and joy to others. 

That God’s will is for me to live in that glory, unconditionally. 

As I ground back down now, after intoxicating highs and devastating lows over the past several days, I’m anchoring and embodying into newly remembered truths that I wanted to share: 

• I am valuable just for existing. There is nothing to prove or do to earn what is Divinely given.
• I am worthy of my dreams and desires, and I don’t owe anyone anything, and I certainly don’t have to settle for less. 
• I have a wild heart, and my love knows no bounds. It cannot be domesticated, constrained, or withheld. It is here to shine brightly for all that seek it. To help them to remember the love that they are. 

If you’re reading this, thank you. I appreciate you coming into my world. I appreciate you existing. I hope you know that I’m here holding space for you to remember your innate love, value and infinite worthiness. Because you are all of those things. I love you. Until next time, love and hugs!