I’ve had the desire to have coaching be the way I make my living for over 4 years now. And for that long I’ve been trying to make it so. On the journey of ‘manifesting’ that desire, I’ve walked what feels like in many ways, a hero’s journey. The path has been what at times feels like an onslaught of the inner ghosts past trauma, generational scarcity, the demons of fear, self-doubt, shame, inadequacy, low-self-worth, utter lack of confidence, imposter syndrome and probably more I’m not thinking of at the moment. 

All of this created this idea in my head that “I’m not ready to broadcast to the world that I know what I’m doing and I’m great at it,  I’m open for business, here’s what I do.”

For years I went rounds with these demons and ghosts, building fear up in my mind of what others would think whilst simultaneously tearing down myself and my abilities. This was the perfect formula for not showing up, wanting to be seen, and worst of all, not living my dreams and purpose. It was suffocating, and deteriorated my mental, physical, financial, and social health. Getting caught in the funhouse of my mind negatively affected every aspect of my life, because every moment I was in there, I wasn’t out in the world living my life, my passion, purpose, and mission.

I realized that I had been frozen in the grips of fear. Fear of how people would receive my zany, other worldly perspectives and ideas, fear I would be ostracized, called a charlatan, crazy, woo-woo. Really the fear that if I showed up and bared my whole, raw, authentic self that I would be rejected, outcast, never to be loved by another human again. 

It must be safer then, to pretend to be, “normal”. To not call out the atrocities that I see that are the status quo of this world. To not say what’s really on my mind for worry that it will make me the ‘weird one’ or offend someone. To keep quiet and nod my head in passive, false agreement. For most of my life I put up this empty facade if it meant that I would have some sense of belonging.

Except, it got to a point where I couldn’t. No longer could I tolerate the ideas and energy of people (in my immediate sphere) that didn’t align with my values, or that did align with them, but could rarely seem to act in integrity with them, two very different things. Ironically, this resulted in me becoming more and more isolated.

This was a painful experience, yet it did give rise to the opportunity for me to dive deeper into myself and a level of awareness of who I am and what my truth is. As I did this I realized that every single issue and challenge I have faced led back to one core problem: I didn’t unconditionally love myself. I didn’t know how. I didn’t even know what that was. The only time I'd experienced anything close was with my dog, Echo. 

I knew that the approach of hiding my truth, doubting myself, indulging shame, and feeling inadequate hadn’t led to anything close to who I wanted to be or the life I wanted to live. I sank deeper into my connection to Spirit/God/Universe and continued exploring and learning about different perspectives of healing, of self-realization.

I learned that unconditional love isn’t about “positive vibes only”, or only the ‘light’. It’s everything, unconditionally, in every moment. It’s the worst of the worst and the best of the best. It’s understanding that the darkness, our shadows, flaws, weaknesses, faults, transgressions are beautiful, meaningful, inherent and necessary too. It’s forgiveness, compassion, mercy, grace, acceptance, presence, courage, bravery, empathy and understanding. 

I’ve been my own worst critic and bully for so long that I created a reality that reflected the nastiness that was inside my mind. So when I started practicing forgiving myself, accepting myself, being gentle and understanding of myself, everything started to shift internally and externally. I started to relax and have less worry and stress. I started being more effective in my work with clients, they told me so. I started caring for myself like a child, my habits started improving. I started asking myself what I really need, and started meaningfully connecting with values-aligned people. I started to believe in myself, which led to me feeling safe and secure internally with who I am, regardless of if that earns me the love of others or not, or whether I have external ‘markers’ of what that is. 

I am love, and I seek to expand and share that love with others, because it’s meaningful and joyful to do so. Rather than trying to get it from the outside in, having learned how to love myself, I now aim to give it, from the inside out.

Another pivotal shift that comes along with this is releasing fear. This was a hard pill for me to swallow initially but after spending countless resources of every type actively pursuing my dream, I can say from embodied experience that fear and love are mutually exclusive. You are in a state of one or the other. When you embody unconditional love, there is nothing to fear. You are in full trust, full knowing of who you are, of the power of love that you are, and that this love is divine infinite intelligence itself. The planet we inhabit that endlessly provides us with food, water and shelter to survive. The sun that shows up each morning to allow us to witness and play in the beauty of our world and each other. I am that. You are that. We are one. There is nothing to fear.

And so my new adventure begins. My latest rebirth. This time I’m birthing sacred community. My heart yearns to connect deeply and meaningfully to like-hearted people that resonate with my unconditional love mission, my values, my visionary direction, and of course, my desire to experience fun, joy and meaningful connection.

I know that we are stronger in community, and that when the foundational tenets of that community are in harmony with the universe, we can achieve whatever our heart and soul’s desire is calling us to, collectively and individually. 

There are many ways you can be a part of this community. You can follow along with my weekly mind musings journal, titled Wild Heart. You can join my membership community, Soul Awakening Sanctuary. You can find me and connect on socials. You can explore my signature course, Spiritually Reborn. Engage in a way that feels right to you in this moment. Or of course, don’t at all. Either way I love you, I certainly appreciate your precious time and attention reading a bit of my story. My wish is that you feel the love of my words and that they connect to your heart and remind you of the love that you are. I hope you enter into the rest of your day with renewed hope and energy to keep persevering in the pursuit of happiness, love and peace.